Feel for You
by wanderlustat10
Summary: AU. Fitz never sold the house in Vermont. It's been three years since the end of his second term—four years since they've spoken. They each have a key to the house and Fitz occasionally uses the space as a safe haven, reminiscing about what could have been. But one day, when he arrives, Olivia is there, too. What happened to them? Can this couple find their way back to each other?
1. Chapter 1

As he drove up the cobbled path toward the driveway, he took a moment to take in the sight—the mountain range just behind the house, the grass that was somehow greener than he remembered it, and then there was the house itself. This was meant to be his dream—their dream—but the dream had long since faded away.

"How long will you be, sir?" His assigned Secret Service agent, Tom, asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"A few hours, at most. You're welcome to use the guesthouse."

Tom shook his head, pulling out a book. "I'm okay here for now. Thank you, sir."

Fitzgerald Grant III turned off the ignition and stepped out of his car, closing the door behind him. It was a warm evening for Vermont. Fitz had expected to be assaulted by the cold air when leaving the warmth of his car, but it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Certainly not as bad as previous times. Now that he was no longer the leader of the free world, this was a frequent stop. Although the person who he had hoped to share this house with was far gone from his life, the house itself had become something of a safe haven for him—it was in a quiet, secluded area and not many people knew of its existence.

When he entered the house, his attention first went to the flicker of a fire burning in the fireplace. As he walked further in, he could hear humming coming from the kitchen—someone was cooking. It didn't register in his mind who that person could possibly be. All he knew was that an intruder was in his house, infringing on his space. He rushed toward the kitchen with his phone out, ready to call the police and give the person a piece of his mind, but he stopped abruptly, nearly dropping his phone when he realized that the 'intruder' was Olivia Pope. As he watched her pour something from a bowl into a glass dish, then lean over to put it into the second oven, he was overwhelmed by the scene. Fitz briefly allowed himself to get lost in the dream—him finding Olivia making dinner after he came home for the day; surprising her with flowers and a kiss on the cheek; Karen, Jerry, and Teddy upstairs, playing with their younger brother or sister. Even after four years of not speaking or seeing each other, she still had a hold on him.

'This is how it could have been,' he thought. 'This is how it _should_ have been.'

Fitz was so immersed in his own thoughts that he didn't notice when Olivia turned around. When he finally emerged from the thoughts in his head, they locked eyes. He was still reeling from thinking of the possibilities and he froze in his place, just as she had frozen in hers. After a few seconds of staring, Olivia managed to gather herself.

"Hi," she said tentatively.

Her voice brought him back to reality. And as much as he wanted to go to her and kiss her enough to make up for all the time they had lost, he knew that wasn't an option because once he waded through his love for this woman, he was still unbelievably angry with her.

"What are you doing here?" Fitz asked her. He could have caused a snowstorm with the tone of his voice.

"You never changed the locks."

"You didn't answer my question. There's a fire burning and you're cooking, so clearly you've made yourself comfortable. I want to know why you are in my house. I think you at least owe me that much."

Olivia visibly flinched when he said 'my house,' Fitz had been trying to hurt her with that word pairing, but seeing a reaction, however small, didn't make him feel any better.

She looked down, refusing to hold his gaze. "I can leave," she eventually said. "There's chicken and vegetables in the oven, but you can have it. Just take it out after 15 minutes."

"I don't want the damn food, Olivia!" He yelled. She couldn't just pop back up into his life, then dictate when she would leave—not again.

"What _do_ you want?" She asked, looking up at him. "If I had known you were going to be here, I wouldn't have come."

Fitz had a resigned look on his face. When he spoke, his voice was laced with pain. "You left, Olivia. We were going to be together and you left."

"Don't make it sound so simple. You kept saying you were going to get a divorce and you never did. Your marriage was a pretty big barrier to us being together, Fitz. If you really wanted to get a divorce, you would have done it regardless of whether or not I wanted to be with you." She somehow managed to sound detached while speaking these words.

"Did you want to be with me? Did you ever even love me?" He had always been so secure in his love for her, but felt less certain about her love for him.

She looked as if he had slapped her across the face. Detachment was no longer an option. "Did you really just ask me that?"

"I want an answer."

"I really don't think this is a good time to get into this."

"Oh, and when would be a good time then, Olivia? Another four years from now?"

"You clearly don't want to talk. You just want to be angry. And you can do that if I'm not here, so I'm leaving." She began to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Just tell me one thing. Was this not enough for you? Was I not enough for you?"

She looked like she was about to protest, but softened when she looked up into his eyes. "You were more than enough, Fitz."

He let her go and took a step back. Now, instead of feeling angry, he just felt sad. "We would have been so good together, Livvie." He allowed himself a brief wistful smile, but as soon as it appeared on his face, it was gone. "I'm going to take a walk. I want you out by the time I get back."

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**Thanks for reading! Please let me know your thoughts and if you'd like to read more. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

By the time she arrived home, it was well after 3am. As she pulled up the driveway of her house in Georgetown, she hoped her husband would be asleep. That way, she could sneak into bed and put an end to this awful day. He would want to talk about it in the morning, but by then, she would have figured out a way to fend him off. The lights were off in the house, so she thought she had a good chance.

Olivia gingerly turned the key in the lock of their front door and pushed it open. She was startled by her husband, Edison Davis, who waiting for her on the couch. He looked exhausted—his eyes were drooping as if he were fighting to stay awake. Despite her irritation, she wondered if he had slept on the couch and waited for her each night that she had been gone. It took him a moment to realize that she was there. When he did, he stood, but didn't approach her.

"You can't keep disappearing like this, Olivia," he said wearily.

She sighed. "It's late, Edison. I'm tired."

He scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. "You've been gone for three days and all I get is an 'it's late, I'm tired'? I suppose I should be happy that it wasn't a week like the last time, but somehow, that doesn't make me feel much better."

"Can we talk about this in the morning?" She started to walk to the bedroom, but he stood in her path.

"No, Olivia, we cannot talk about this in the morning. We're going to talk about this right now. You haven't answered your phone, none of your friends seemed to know where you were, you never give me a straight answer when I ask where you go—"

"Because it's none of your business!" She exploded. All she wanted to do was go to sleep and push the day's events out of her mind, but Edison was literally standing in the way of that.

His eyes widened and it was clear that he was shocked by the force of her words, but he stood his ground.

"None of my business?" He asked her quietly. "Olivia, we're married. Of course it's my business."

She couldn't take it. Why couldn't he just understand that she needed to be alone sometimes? That she needed to be her own person sometimes? She was someone before she was Mrs. Edison Davis and she hadn't anticipated giving up her identity to become his wife. Before she could stop it, tears were streaming down her cheeks. Annoyed that she hadn't been able to control her emotions, she covered her face with her hands while big gasping breaths escaped from her mouth.

"Liv?" Edison asked tentatively, placing his hands on her waist. He had rarely seen her cry in all the years that he had known her. "It's okay, you're right. Let's go to bed. We can talk about this in the morning." He pulled her hands from her face and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. He was still angry—she could tell—but her display of emotion had momentarily dislodged him.

That night in bed, he held her: his front pushed up against her back, his hand resting on her hip. She let him, and tried to pretend that he was Fitz.

Sleep had not made itself available to her that night. By the time he awoke, she had already left their bed and returned twice. The first time was to get in a few laps in their pool. The second time was to make breakfast. She was hoping that the act of domesticity would be enough to make Edison forgive her and move on from last night's conversation, but she wasn't betting on it. Seeing Fitz for the first time in four years and dealing with Edison had sent her mind into a tailspin. She was used to the latter, but together, it had been too much.

_Olivia hadn't even heard him open the door. She had arrived at the house two days before with plans to stay for a couple of days. Being Edison's wife was wearing on her and she needed a break. So, she came to the house like she had been doing periodically for the last four years. She assumed that Fitz didn't frequent the house, as she had never run into him, but clearly she had assumed wrong._

_She had just finished preparing dinner for herself, placing the dish of chicken and vegetables into the oven. When she turned around, he was standing there watching her. It was good that she was no longer holding anything, or else she certainly would have dropped it. Fitz looked to be in a daze—he hadn't expected to see her here either. For a moment, she felt paralyzed by his gaze—it almost looked like there was still love in his eyes—but within a few seconds, she had collected herself. They couldn't stand there all day—one of them had to speak. And it looked like it would have to be her._

_"Hi," she said tentatively._

_"What are you doing here?" He asked. Immediately, she knew that she had been mistaken when she looked into his eyes and labeled what she had seen as 'love.' The words would have sounded innocent if accusation weren't dripping from them, if his inflection had not been one of anger. _

_She told him she was leaving, but he wasn't having it. She didn't get to just leave—he wanted to kick her out. And as he left her standing in the kitchen, stunned by the encounter, she thought that maybe this was Fitz's way of exacting revenge for all of the times that she had left him, stunned, unable to say anything to make life turn out differently. Maybe it was what she deserved. _

_The only option that she saw was to do as he said, so she packed up her stuff, wrapped up the food that was in the oven, washed the dishes, put out the fire, and left before Fitz came back. She had a nine-hour drive ahead of her, during which she would replay each moment of their encounter in her head, over and over, like a broken record, wondering if there was anything she could have done to fix the situation. _

Somehow, she managed to avoid the conversation that she had been anticipating. Maybe he felt worse about her crying than she had thought because after he woke up, it wasn't long before he was out the door and off to work, thanking her for breakfast along the way.

When he left and she still couldn't get Fitz out of her head, she decided to go for another swim, figuring that she could get in a couple of hours before she needed to leave for lunch.

Lunch with Cyrus was a regular occurrence—they tried to meet at least once a month and it was always a highlight for Olivia, though she would never tell Cyrus that.

They met at their usual spot—a small, quiet hole-in-the-wall with amazing food—and exchanged pleasantries before being seated.

"How are Ella and James?" Olivia asked once they sat down and had given their usual order to the waitress.

Cyrus sighed. "Your goddaughter is wearing me out. Guess what her latest obsession is."

"A new one already? She was just into _The Hunger Games_."

"Oh, that's over. She now loves Justin Bieber."

"Well, she _is_ nine, Cyrus."

"Justin Bieber! I was once the Chief of Staff for the President of the United States and now I'm stuck listening to Justin Bieber regularly. She sings it so much that I even know some of the words."

Olivia smiled. "You know you love it. You love that girl and you love watching her grow up, Justin Bieber and all."

"I know," Cyrus said, a small smile on his face. Who would have thought that he would be happy being a stay-at-home dad? "Ella is wonderful. She asks about you. You should come see her."

"I will." Olivia said with a nod.

A comfortable silence settled over them as the waitress came and set their drinks down on the table. When she left, Cyrus spoke again. "Have you and Edison talked anymore about having kids?"

"He wants to."

Cyrus took the next logical leap. "But you don't?"

"I'm not that young anymore." It was a true statement, but it wasn't the full story.

He nodded, though he didn't quite believe her. He thought that the fact that Edison was not Fitz brought them a little closer to the truth of why she was hesitant.

"I thought that normal would be easier." Olivia said, reaching for her glass. "I thought—I thought I would be able to settle into it better."

Cyrus looked at her for a moment, weighing whether or not it was okay to say what he was thinking. "You never really wanted normal, Liv." He finally told her. "You just told yourself you did."

As she took a sip of wine, she allowed herself a moment to think about his words. But as she set the glass down, she pushed the thoughts from her mind. "How's James?" She asked, eager to change the subject.

Cyrus gave her a look, but complied with her wishes. "James is good. He has a big-name interview that he's excited about."

"Work is keeping him busy. That's good." Olivia nodded. "And you two are okay?"

Cyrus sighed. "I don't think we'll ever be back to the way we were when we first got married, but we're managing. Am I allowed to ask about you and Edison?"

Olivia shrugged. "We had a fight."

"That's not out of the ordinary," he replied. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head and took a breath. "I ran into Fitz."

Cyrus raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" He stirred his drink and took a sip. "I'm guessing it didn't go well."

"It didn't go well." Olivia confirmed.

"Where did you run into him?"

Olivia hesitated. "At the house," she said quietly.

A look of confusion crossed Cyrus' face. "The house?"

"In Vermont." She clarified.

"You have a house in Vermont?"

It was Olivia's turn to be confused. "You didn't know?"

"Why would I know?"

"Fitz built it. Or, he had it built. A few years ago."

"Why were you there?" Cyrus asked, still not quite understanding.

"He had it built… for us."

"While he was still in the White House?"

Olivia nodded.

"And he never sold it?"

Olivia shook her head.

"And you have a key."

She nodded again.

"Ah." He paused, taking it all in. "So, walk me through what happened?"

Olivia told him what occurred when they were both at the house, leaving out some of the more painful aspects. In the middle of the story, the waitress came with their food. Olivia stopped talking as the waitress approached the table, resuming when she had left. "He was just so _angry_, Cyrus. Even after all these years, he still hates me."

Cyrus listened quietly as she spoke, staying quiet when the waitress came, but shook his head at her last sentence. "He doesn't hate you. He's angry and I'm sure he would love to hate you, but he can't."

She assumed that Cyrus was just saying it to make her feel better, but it didn't help. Even if it were true, if Fitz wanted to hate her but couldn't, that was almost as bad as him actually hating her.

They were both silent, taking a moment to pick at their respective meals.

"How is he? I couldn't tell from our encounter since it was—" She cut herself off. "How is he?"

"He's good." Cyrus said, thinking that it was better to keep this conversation as a surface-level one. "I think he's been a little restless since his term ended, but he's been focusing on family and looking into some other projects."

Olivia nodded. "Mellie probably loves that."

Cyrus eyed her for a moment. "You know Fitz and Mellie are divorced, right?"

Olivia's eyebrows crinkled. "I didn't. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, you forbade me from ever talking about our former president in your presence. It was in the news. I figured you would have found out."

"I've tried to avoid any news when it comes to Fitz." Olivia replied, slightly embarrassed. This was something she should have known. "How long?"

"I'd say it's been about two years now."

"And it's finalized?"

"Yes, it is."

"Who has custody?"

"They share. It was very high-profile. I'm surprised Edison didn't mention it."

Olivia wasn't. Edison was very careful not to talk about former President Grant in their household. It was an unspoken rule that they both lived by.

She changed the subject. But as they returned to talking about Ella, then moved onto politics, she couldn't get the fact that Fitz was now divorced from her mind. Of course, she couldn't do anything about it now. But her words from the previous day replayed in her head over and over.

_Don't make it sound so simple. You kept saying you were going to get a divorce and you never did. Your marriage was a pretty big barrier to us being together, Fitz. If you really wanted to get a divorce, you would have done it regardless of whether or not I wanted to be with you._

Maybe he really had wanted to. Maybe that meant something.

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**Thanks for all of the lovely reviews! I really enjoyed reading them. Let me know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

It was the beginning of Fitz's week with Teddy and Mellie had scheduled a playdate for him with Cyrus' daughter, Ella. Normally, Fitz would be irritated with Mellie for scheduling something during his time with their son, but Cyrus was his friend and Teddy was incredibly excited for his playdate, so he didn't mind too much. Plus, Fitz figured that he and Cyrus could use the time while their children were occupied to talk and maybe have a drink or two. Seeing Olivia over the weekend had thrown him off and he really needed a friend at the moment.

He had learned to temper his drinking while his children were around, but before Teddy had arrived, he had been in a drunken stupor, attempting to numb the feelings that seeing Olivia had dredged up. On that day, when he had come back from his walk and found that she had actually left, he couldn't even bring himself to stay in the house. Her scent had lingered and simply knowing that she had been there made it so that the house no longer felt like a safe haven. She had ruined that, just like she had ruined him.

When Teddy arrived, Fitz had put on a happy face, asking his son questions about school and extracurriculars, while making a few jokes along the way. If Teddy could see through Fitz's halfhearted attempts, he didn't let it show. Maybe Fitz was better at pretending than he thought—he pretended that his marriage was alive for eight years while being at the forefront of the American public, but those were strangers. When he could fake it with his own family? That meant he had gotten good.

Fitz immediately admonished himself for his thoughts. He didn't want to pretend to be interested in what Teddy was saying. This was his son and he loved spending time with him. But sometimes, being a parent made it hard to be a person with feelings, especially since those feelings didn't seem like they would be going away anytime soon.

By the time he and Teddy arrived at Cyrus' house, Fitz had made more of an effort to be in tune with his son and Teddy's excitement for the playdate had rubbed off a little. The jokes were coming more easily now, and when he rang the doorbell to the house, he had a smile on his face.

A girl, slightly taller than Teddy with brown coils shaping her face, opened the door. "Hi Teddy! Hi Uncle Fitz!"

"Hi Ella!" Teddy replied with a grin that mirrored the girl's.

Ella gave Fitz a quick hug, then grabbed Teddy and pulled him inside.

Fitz chuckled, stepping inside behind them. "I swear those kids were meant to be siblings." He said to Cyrus after he watched Ella and Teddy go upstairs together. He was going to admonish Teddy for running in the house, but the glee evident on their faces encouraged him to let it go.

"Godsiblings is the next best thing, I guess." Cyrus said, approaching from the kitchen where he had been watching the scene. "How are you, Fitz? Can I get you anything to drink?"

"A drink would be great. I'm feeling okay. A lot has happened in the past few days." He said with a nod.

Cyrus raised an eyebrow. "Is it something you want to talk about?"

"I would. I'd like your opinion."

Cyrus nodded. "Go ahead and sit down in the living room. Do you want the usual?"

Fitz smiled. "You know me well." He walked out of the kitchen, down the two steps, and into the living room, sinking into one of the couches. After a few moments, he allowed his mind to claim him once again. It had been a few minutes since Cyrus had told him to go sit down and he heard the soft click of a door closing, then voices. The hushed tone and pitch of the voices told him that it wasn't Teddy and Ella. It was clear that Cyrus was talking to someone, but he couldn't hear their voices clearly enough. He stood up from the couch and stretched, before sauntering toward the kitchen. The voices became slightly louder as he approached and he didn't even have to go into the kitchen to know that the voice he was hearing was that of Olivia Pope.

He took a moment to compose himself, then strode into the kitchen. "I haven't seen you once in four years and now I see you twice in three days? Is this some kind of setup?"

It was clear that his presence had caught Olivia off-guard, just as hers had done for him, but she quickly regained her composure. Edison caught the hostility in his voice. "Is everything all right, Olivia?"

"Everything's fine."

"Oh, of course everything's fine when she has you here." Fitz retorted.

"We should probably go, Edison." She said softly, turning to leave.

"You can't go! Ella hasn't even seen you yet." Cyrus chimed in.

Olivia shot him a look. "I'll see her later. Tell her I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" The nine-year-old asked as she came bounding down the stairs with a grin on her face, running straight to Olivia. "Hi Aunt Liv."

Olivia bent down to hug the girl. "Hi sweetie. Aren't you going to say hi to your uncle?"

Ella waved to Edison, but didn't make any motions to move. "Hi Uncle Edison." She directed her attention back to Olivia. "What are you sorry about?"

Olivia hesitated for a moment. "Well, Uncle Edison and I were going to head back home. We didn't know that you were having a playdate with Teddy today."

"Don't leave! I haven't seen you in so long." Ella pleaded, wrapping her arms around Olivia's torso. It seemed that the girl had no intention of letting go unless things went her way.

Olivia looked at Cyrus for help, but he simply shrugged and went back to what he was doing.

"You know what?" Olivia finally said, smoothing Ella's hair down. "I think we can stay for a little bit."

Ella squealed, grabbed Olivia's hand, and began leading her upstairs. "Great! There's something I want to show you."

Fitz shook his head. He couldn't believe this. Why wouldn't Cyrus have told him that she was going to come today, too?

An uncomfortable silence filled the room as Cyrus shifted his attention to pouring drinks and Fitz seethed, alternating between glaring at Cyrus and glaring at Edison.

"Sorry, Fitz. We didn't mean to infringe on your time with Cyrus or Teddy's time with Ella." Edison said, breaking the silence. "If we had known you would be here, we wouldn't have come."

By the tone of Edison's voice, it sounded like he was about as thrilled to be in this situation as Fitz was. Fitz always had wondered what Olivia had told him about the extent of their relationship, if anything. But clearly he knew that something had happened between them, as there would be few reasons for him to be upset otherwise.

"Nonsense." Cyrus said, waving a hand. "You're not infringing on anything. Fitz was just waiting for me in the living room. Why don't you two go sit in there? Knowing Ella, Liv will be upstairs for a little bit. I'll join you in a moment."

Fitz and Edison stared at each other, but neither moved.

"Go on," Cyrus prodded.

After standing in silence for a few more moments, Edison made the first move to the living room and after receiving a look from Cyrus, Fitz reluctantly followed. By the time he reached the living room, Edison was already seated. There were no cordial remarks to be exchanged between the pair and Edison looked as if he felt like Fitz was infringing on his territory. In a way, perhaps he was.

"Look." Edison finally said after a few seconds of staring at each other. "I don't know what's going on or what has been rekindled between you two, but I want you to stay away from my wife."

Fitz began to protest, but Edison held his hand up. "There's no use denying what we both know is true. Olivia was your mistress while you were in The White House. It didn't take too much to figure out—you two were far from discreet. You used her and she let you, but don't think that's going to happen again. Not while I'm around. You're not the man in her life anymore. You haven't been for a long time. So stay away from my wife."

Fitz was momentarily stunned by the Senator's candor and by the time he regained his bearings, Cyrus had appeared with their drinks. He set them down in front of the two men, making casual small talk along the way, but a discernable tension had filled the room.

Cyrus sat down, glancing between the two men for a moment before speaking up again. "So, Edison. How has the senate been treating you?"

"Oh, it's the same as it was when you were in office." He said, his eyes remaining on Fitz as if he had been the one to ask the question. "The only difference is that we have both a Democratic President and a Democratic majority, so it makes it easier to get things through."

"I like to think that we cooperated with the Democrats while we were in office." Fitz said.

Edison did not say anything, but looked as if he was holding his tongue when Olivia appeared on the stairs.

"Where's Ella?" Cyrus asked.

"With Teddy." Olivia replied. "I convinced her that she wasn't being a good host by spending all of her time with me when Teddy had come over to spend time with her. I also promised that we'd come back soon." She glanced at Edison during the latter sentence and he gave her a brief nod before standing up.

"I think that's my cue." He said to Cyrus as he met Olivia at the bottom of the stairs.

"We'll have to schedule another time that I can see Ella. One that isn't already booked." She told Cyrus pointedly.

Cyrus nodded. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know I'm getting old." They all knew that the double booking had nothing to do with Cyrus' aging. "Are you sure you have to head out?"

Olivia glanced at Edison, then at Fitz, before looking back at Cyrus. "I think we'd better."

As Cyrus walked Edison and Olivia out of the house, Fitz sat stewing. Clearly Cyrus had known what he was doing when he invited Olivia over at the same time that Teddy was supposed to have a playdate with Ella, but he couldn't figure out why he would do it. By the time Cyrus came back, Fitz was standing up, waiting for an explanation. Cyrus sat down in the chair that he had previously been sitting in with a grave look on his face. Fitz stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to begin speaking. Just when Fitz was about to explode at the silence, Cyrus began to speak.

"I did a lot of bad things while I was your Chief-of-Staff. I'm not going to tell you what they were because there are things that you just don't need to know. But I'm not the Devil anymore, Fitz. I gave that up. I'm a regular guy, a dad who takes care of his daughter. Chief of Staff is the greatest that I'm ever going to be, but you…" Cyrus trailed off.

Fitz took a seat.

"I once told Liv that some men weren't destined to be happy. They were destined to be great. And you were one of them. I told her that to convince her that whatever you two had together wasn't as important as you being the Leader of the Free World. She believed in you just as much as I did. Maybe even more. You were willing to give it all up for her and I didn't want you to. So, I encouraged her to think of things in a different way. You had so much more that you could accomplish. But… maybe I was wrong. I did so much to keep you apart, but maybe it wasn't my call to make. That's why I told Olivia to come over today, even though I knew that you would be here, too."

Fitz opened his mouth to say something, but Cyrus held his hand up.

"She still loves you, Fitz. And you've never been happy without her. Of course there are fleeting moments, but she's the love of your life. Being President was one thing, but that's not your life anymore. You two can have each other, if you want to."

Fitz shook his head. "You had no right to meddle—"

"You're right. That's all the meddling I'm going to do. You don't see each other anymore, but I see both of you. I can't make you stop being angry with her for choosing a life that wasn't with you, but it's been four years. Either do something about it or move on."


End file.
